Stepping out onto the balcony, wrapping her arms tightly around her body she tried to block the cold evening air. The shock of seeing him had completely knocked her off track; she didn’t even know why she was so shocked to see him there. He was dating her publisher’s sister after all; of course he would be there. It was stupid to think that he wouldn’t be. It still didn’t make seeing him any easier though, she wasn’t sure that it was ever going to get any easier.
Taking a deep breath she prepared to go back inside, as much as she wanted to she knew she couldn’t hide out here all night. It was her party – to celebrate the publication of her first novel and sooner of later someone would come looking for her.
“,” she heard the familiar sound of her best friend calling, “What are you doing out here?”
“He’s here.” She sighed, blinking back a single tear that threatened to escape.
“I know.” nodded sympathetically, “It’ll be okay , you don’t have to speak to him you know.”
She nodded her head lightly.
“Come on let’s go back in, people are starting to wonder where you are.” said, reaching her friends arm.
didn’t allow herself to speak, as she followed back into the grand hall. Full of people she didn’t know, or even care to know. Most of them had been invited by Darren her publisher, he seemed to think it was a good idea. She couldn’t see how it was, but it didn’t seem to matter what she thought any more. Since her novel had gone into print she’d been swept along on a wave of excitement, an excitement that she’d not been able to fully appreciate.
“Hello,” a short, plump middle-aged lady greeted her. “I just wanted to say I thoroughly enjoyed your book… I hear there is a second one due out next year. I can’t wait to read it.” “Yes, I’m working on it at the moment.” She lied. A second book, next year it was never going to happen. It was purely a rumour circulated by Darren, he was desperate for another book but truth was since her heartbreaking split she’d not been able to write a single word. He’d broken her heart into a million tiny pieces, and along with it he’d ripped any shred of inspiration from her body. Even though the book was nothing to do with either of them or their relationship, he’d someone in a weird way inspired her. He’d helped her creative juices flow, but since that retched day –they’d just stopped running.
“Can you give away what it’s going to be about?” she asked.
She shook her head, “Not yet, I think the surprise element is the best.”
There he was, leaning against a pillar laughing about something with HER. couldn’t concentrate on a single word that was being said to her now, as her eyes refused to look away. His twinkling eyes, and beaming smile had her captivated. She watched as his new girlfriend slipped her arm around his waist, and leaned in for a kiss. As she watched him leaning forward, the jealousy bubbled. would scold her if she knew what she was doing, punishing herself like this, but she couldn’t help it. It was at that moment, as his lips brushed ’s that their gazes locked. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” She mumbled an apology as she fled the room.

Leaning in for a kiss, it was then he spotted her. His eyes had been secretly searching for her all night. had tried to persuade him against coming to the party, telling him, it would be boring. But he’d insisted they go, support her brother. He didn’t dare tell her the real reason, that he wanted – needed to see again.
As his eyes locked hers, he saw that same flicker of pain he’d saw the day it had all happened. He’d been an idiot he knew that now, and he needed to talk to her. Kissing quickly he excused himself telling her he needed to go to the toilet.

Tears trickled down her cheeks as she came to rest at the top of the grand stairway. Dropping to the floor, she pulled her knees and let the tears flow. It was as if he was deliberately trying to rub her nose in it, he didn’t need to be there he could have easily stayed away and saved her from even more pain.
She didn’t even notice him until he was stood inches from her, whispering her name. Her breath caught in her throat, even after everything that had happened he still managed to make her heart flutter. He had a girlfriend, a pregnant girlfriend down stairs – what the hell was he doing here.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He wasn’t even able to make eye contact with her.
“Just leave.” told him simply. “I have nothing to say to you, and you have nothing to say that will change any of this.”
“Does it not matter that I love you?”
‘Love, does he even know the meaning of it?’ She sighed, running her hands through her hair. She didn’t need this right now – this was supposed to be her moment of glory. But instead here she was crying over the man she loved … the man she still loved. The man that she would never stop loving. “You don’t love me .”
“Yes… Yes I do. I have always loved you.” He stuttered struggling to find his words.
“How can you stand there and lie to me? You slept with HER, you got her pregnant and you have the cheek to say you love me.” She wasn’t even angry with him anymore. The anger had since been replaced with a feeling of sorrow, an emptiness that she feared would never be filled.
“It was a mistake, it should never have happened. She never meant anything to me.” He told her, his eyes pleading.
“Then you should have fought harder .” She whispered, “You’re not the man I once loved. The Man who fought for years to make me fall in love with him. Did you get bored once the chase was over or something?” she questioned. Searching for the reason why he’d done what he’d done. Even if she found the answer she knew it wouldn’t matter.
Shaking his head he dropped down onto the stairs. “I don’t know what made me do it. I told you I’m sorry, that I’m stupid what else can I do?”
“Nothing. There is nothing left to say, nothing you say or do now matters. I will never take you back.” Her heart was breaking again as she spoke; she knew she’d regret the decision for the rest of her life. It would have been easy to take the fools way out, accept his apology take him back and accept the fact that he had a child with a another woman. All of that she could live with. What she couldn’t live with though, was the constant worry that he’d cheat on her again. Every ounce of trust she’d once had had been shattered.
“Surely you can’t mean that. I thought you loved me.” He sighed, as a single tear trickled down his cheek.
“It’s not about whether or not I love you.” She sighed, standing up. “It’s bout whether I can live with what you have done…and I can’t.”
“Please.” He begged, tears falling faster now. “Please don’t let this be the end.”
“I’m going back to my party now ,” she told him firmly. Turning away, she couldn’t bear to see him hurting like this – but perhaps now he understood how she felt…..


THE END



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