Chapter Selection:
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Chapter 1,

“Mark! Mark! Oi Feehily!!”. Seeing him finally look behind him, she waved. He stopped and watched her catch up with him while he lighted a smoke. “You always sneak out in the middle of a great night out huh?”, she asked looking at him a bit suspicious. Turning around took his arm and walked along through the dark street. “I’m just tired, you lot were enjoying yourself so much, so I thought nobody would notice”. “Of course ”, said giving him a playful punch in his side, “Of course I notice if my best friend is suddenly gone. Who is gonna protect me from all those horny men glancing at me all evening?”, she winked smirking. Laughing loudly Mark pulled her close, “I’m just tired, you’re gonna walk with me to the hotel or do I have to get you back there?”. shrugged, “I’m tired also, we have wine back at the hotel so I’ll join you”. “Good”, Mark said, taking another puff from his cigarette. Taking in the fresh, cold air looked around her. It was almost three but still there were a lot of people outside. Glancing up, looking at Mark she could see he wasn’t feeling quiet his cheerful self. It was for a couple of weeks now that she noticed a change in him. It was almost the end of the tour, she knew he was tired. He already told her he needed rest, some time to do things he liked to do and spend time with his family. liked Mark more when they were at home. She knew him for almost 20 years now, they grew up together in Sligo, were they both still lived. When Mark became a part of Westlife nothing had changed in their friendship. They saw each other less than they used to but still nobody’s friendship could compare to what they had. When became their head stylist they became inseparable again. “You’ve got keys?”, Mark interrupted her thoughts. “Keys?”, she asked a bit stupidly. “Yes keys”, Mark grinned, “Those things that help you open the door”. “Shit!”, cried out searching her pockets, “Shane has them, I gave him my purse when I went dancing and he still has it…. Shit! … Shit!”, she cried out looking at him, “My purse, my key card!”. Mark was looking amused seeing almost freak by the thought of a drunken Shane having her purse. “Chill gorgeous”, he smirked, “I’ll ask a spare key of my own room then, Nicky still has it”. “Well here we are, brave soldiers, not even able to save our own keys”, said rolling her eyes. Mark still laughed and pulled her with him towards the reception desk.

“Christ, how moody can you be? Don’t like your job? Fine with me but please find another one then!”, Mark cursed while giggled walking after him towards the elevator. “Chill gorgeous”, teased him while pinching him playfully in his bum. “I’ll tell his boss he needs to get laid as soon as possible, maybe it will help him get a better mood”, he said, still irritated with the man who didn’t want to give him a spare key at first.
Throwing herself upon his king-size bed yawned, “Wanna watch a movie?”. Mark nodded his head, “Pick one, I’ll take a shower first”. Opening the familiar ‘movie draw’ he had in every hotel room he stayed, couldn’t decide and started to yell titles in front of the bathroom door as she always did.
“So it’s gonna be Titanic than?”, almost screamed when Mark didn’t answer, as he always did or actually not did. “No ! Not again, I’ve seen that stupid movie way too many times already”. Smirking by the way she managed to get a reaction of him she picked a B class movie with action in it and placed it in the DVD recorder. Taking off her shoes and socks she laid down upon the bed, grabbing a pillow.
“Shall we order something to eat?”, Mark suggested when he laid down next to her. “Sure”, replied snuggling up against his chest. She started the movie with the remote control and before she knew it she fell a sleep.


Chapter 2,

Waking up from an enormous head ache, rubbed her eyes and noticed Mark was up already. When she sat up straight her eye caught a little note lying on his pillow;

Good morning,
I’m into town, needed some stuff.
Be back round lunchtime, maybe we can have lunch together!?
See you than!

Mark xx

forced herself to get up to take a shower. They had a show that night and she had an appointment with her team round ten o’clock to talk things through. Looking in the mirror she grabbed her head, “God, I didn’t even had that much wine last night”, she mumbled to herself. When she was about to step into the shower she heard a loud knock on the door. “Who is it?”, she yelled from inside the bathroom. “Shane”, the familiar voice shouted back at her. “Good timing Filan”, sighed to herself while putting her pyjama’s back on, “Just a minute”, she shouted again.
Opening the door she looked into the smiling face of Shane. “Your purse”, he said while giving it to her. “Thanks”, smiled letting him in. “Did you sleep at Mark’s room?”, he asked looking around him. nodded her head, “You had my keys remember”, she said a bit defensive cause she knew what he was suggesting. “I understand”, Shane smirked, “That was a great excuse you got there”, he added. “Please Shane”, sighed. “Where’s Mark?”, Shane continued while sitting down upon the cough. “He went shopping”, answered while she joined him. Shane nodded his head, “So when are you two finally gonna admit you are madly in love with each other?”. Sighing deeply looked at Shane, “How many times more do I have to tell you that we’re just best friends Shane. There’s nothing more between me and Mark than just our friendship, please drop it”. Shane started to laugh, “We all can see you two belong together . Maybe you two should start to see that too”. Rolling her eyes looked at him, “For the last time Shane, I don’t have any feelings for Mark in the way you’re suggesting and neither does he towards me. We are just friends and that’s the way it will stay, believe me”. “You already had breakfast?”, Shane changed the subject when he noticed the irritation in ’s voice. She shook her head, “I planned to take a shower first”. Shane nodded, “Take your time, I’ll wait here and watch some television. Afterwards we can have some breakfast downstairs if you like?”. “Sounds good”, replied, “Won’t take long”. Shane smiled, “Take your time, I’ll watch some sports”.

Flicking through the canals Shane sighed. He had noticed a change in Mark and he was almost sure it had something to do with . He and the lads had been talking about it the night before, after the couple had left the club without saying so. They all had agreed Mark wasn’t his cheerful self like he had been when the tour had started. He looked a bit sad and he often was somewhere else with his thoughts. What else would it be? They had another month of touring ahead of them and he wanted Mark to enjoy them as much as the others did. At this moment he wasn’t, that was obvious. Maybe he should talk to Mark about it, although he knew he wouldn’t admit there was something wrong anyway. “You need a girl Feehily”, Shane sighed, “You need her, why don’t you just admit it?”.
“Did you say something?”, asked when she came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later. Shane looked up, “No I was just talking to myself”, he smiled, “You ready?”. “Almost”, answered, “Two more minutes please”.


Chapter 3,

“Mark!”, Shane shouted through the hall of the Wembley arena where they would play that evening. Mark looked behind him seeing Shane walking towards him. “Where have you been?”, Shane asked with a laugh when they both entered the catering room. Mark shrugged, “Went into town, did some shopping, had lunch at a little restaurant and wrote some pieces of a song. Before I knew it, it was three”. “Sounds good”, Shane replied observing his friend, trying to read his worries from his face. When they both had a sandwich and a can of coke they sat down. “You looking foward to tonight’s show?”, Shane asked, trying to find an opener for the conversation he wanted to have with Mark. Again he shrugged a bit, “Sure”, he answered avoiding eye contact while he took a bite of his sandwich. “You know Feehily”, Shane started knowing the right moment to start this conversation wouldn’t come. Mark looked up and shook his head. “We all feel something’s wrong with you mate. We can feel you’re not feeling well, that there is something bothering you and we wanna help you Mark. Just tell me what’s up with you so we can”. “I’m fine Filan, no worries. There’s nothing wrong with me I’m just tired, miss my family but I’ll live”. The way he tried to smile worried Shane even more, “You know we’re always here for you right Mark? You can always come to me or the lads if you need help or if you wanna talk about anything”. Mark nodded his head, “Thanks mate”, he smiled again, but not really convincing. A moment of silence followed and they finished their meal. “Is it ?”, Shane tried again. “?”, Mark asked looking at him. “Yes, has it something to do with ?”. Mark laughed lightly, “There’s nothing wrong with me mate and if there was, would be the last person to be involved. I love her, she’s my sweetheart, my best friend in the whole world. She’s fine mate and so do I”. Shane nodded, “Ok, I really hope you are telling me the truth Mark and I hope even more that if you don’t you will come to me soon so I can help you”. Mark stood up and slapped Shane on the shoulder, “I’m fine Filan, stop worrying cause I’m not”. With that he left the catering room and walked towards his dressing room.

“Hi there handsome”, greeted Mark with a kiss on the cheek when he came to her for his clothes. Giving her a tight hug Mark smiled at her, “Sorry for this afternoon, I forget about time. I had lunch and was writing some stuff down for a new song”. “It’s ok, I had lunch with Gillian”, she winked. “Did you have a good time in town?”. Mark nodded his head, “I needed some time alone”, he continued making excuses. “It’s ok”, sighed looking at him, her arms still around his neck, “If there is something you’re struggling with you know where to find me right?”, she whispered. Mark kissed her cheek, “You all think I’m not feeling well, that there’s something wrong with me but there isn’t babe. I’m just tired, I’ve had it a bit with this tour but I’ll survive the last couple of weeks. Please don’t worry about me ok?”. smiled rubbing her nose against his, “I’ll promise if you promise me to watch that movie with me tonight that we were supposed to watch last night”. Mark started laughing and took the pants gave him, “I’ve watched that movie missy, you were the one who fell a sleep right away, not me”. Looking at him with a cheeky grin laughed, “I just wanna spend some time together tonight ok?”. Mark nodded, “Sure, sounds good”, he winked and started to get dressed. Slowly the other lads walked in, one by one and the whole ritual before the show, started to play.

“They’re good aren’t they?”, Gillan smiled when she and watched the show from the left side of the stage. nodded without saying a word. Her eyes were fixed on Mark. Now she knew it for sure. Something was wrong with him, not one single smile, not one simple glance at the audience, just doing his trick as if he was doing it all automatic…


Chapter 4,

“Morning!”, said cheerfully when she saw Mark and the other lads eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant where she just walked in. “Good morning”, four voices greeted her friendly. “Take a seat”, Kian said smiling when he grabbed a chair for her to join them. sat down and took a sandwich, “Busy day today?”, she asked looking at Mark. “Not really”, Nicky answered before Mark could, “A television performance in the morning and after that we have some time off”. “Sounds nice”. Looking back at Mark she pinched his knee and winked when he looked at her. “You coming?”, he suddenly asked. “Sure, why not”, answered taking a sip of his coffee, “What kind of show is it?”. “Top of the pops”, Shane answered sounding slightly bored. nodded her head, “I’ve no plans for today so I’ll join you, maybe we can have lunch afterwards”. “Sounds good to me”, Nicky said with a yawn before he stood up, “See you lot in a minute. I’ve to give the toilet a visit before…”. “Shut up Nicky! Too much info when we are having breakfast Byrne, way too much info”, Kian snapped, “See you in the lobby”.

“You were amazing”, complimented her friend when he walked into his dressing room. “Thanks”, Mark smiled not really convincing. “What’s up? Aren’t you satisfied?”. Mark took a bottle of water and opened it, “No it was fine”, he replied, “But there are about ten to fifteen fans standing outside and I’ve just heard we have to walk to the parking place”. “That’s the price you pay when you are a big star, adored by thousands of female fans”, teased him. “When you’re just head stylist, nobody recognises you. I still have a job in our team so if you’re interested just say so”. Looking at her beautiful face with that cheeky grin he liked so much, he finally started to laugh. “And well he still can do it. For a while we thought he couldn’t but the Feehily smile is back again”, she said loudly with a teasing voice. “Some of them are obsessed , they’re fan in an unhealthy way. I know who they are and some of them are standing outside right now”. “Stay nice Mark”, winked, “Just stay nice”. “Let’s get outside”, he suggested grabbing his stuff and taking her hand, “Let’s get it over with so we can get back to hotel”. Walking along with him giggled, “You sure you wanna walk outside holding hands with me? We might be in the paper again tomorrow. Not even mentioned what all your obsessed fans will think of it, maybe we’ll even break hearts”. Looking behind him Mark sighed, “Too bad for them, this way I have an excuse to walk straight to the cabs”. “I’m honoured Mark”, said cheekily not quitting her act, “Maybe we should share some kisses in front of them too”. “Shut up and walk along”, Mark laughed looking at her, “We will share those kisses back in the hotel and get away from here as soon as possible”.

“Mark! Mark please, we’ve been waiting here for hours just to see you!”. “I didn’t ask you too, did I?”, Mark mumbled to himself while turning around to write exactly two autographs before he continued his way. Hearing the girls still calling his name glanced at her friend, a sad look showed upon his face. Usually he was the one who took the most time for his fans. He was by far the sweetest of the band when it came to the fans. It was nothing like him to ignore them like he did now. Some of them were mad but still he always managed to stay friendly and make them all happy with some of his time. Looking behind her she saw Nicky, Kian and Shane take some pictures with the girls.
“Back to the hotel please”, Mark said to the driver when they got into the taxi. Putting on her seat belt looked out of the window. The cab drove off immediately and Mark didn’t even wave back at his disappointed fans.


Chapter 5,

“So you haven’t seen him either?”, Shane asked worried looking at ’s puzzled face. “When we got back at the hotel this morning after Top of the pops I was called into a meeting right away”, she said trying to figure out what Shane was telling her. “But you haven’t seen him since?”, he repeated. “No, I’m just out of that stupid meeting, it took a bit longer then they had expected”, she answered rolling her eyes. Rubbing his face with his hands Shane sighed. “Is everything ok?”, asked starting to feel worried. “Probably”, Shane continued his story, “We can’t reach Mark and nobody has seen him since this morning, it’s almost six already”. “Didn’t he tell you where he was going then?”. Shane shook his head, “Nobody saw him leave either. We’ll probably worry for nothing but I’m worrying about him for a couple of days now. I get the feeling he is struggling with something but he won’t tell me what it is”. sighed and nodded her head, “Same here, let’s give him some space. I’m sure he will be back before we know it”. “I hope you’re right”, Shane replied. “You join us for dinner?”. shook her head, “I’ve already eaten. I’m gonna take a hot bath and afterwards I’ll join you guys for a drink”. “Good”, Shane smiled kissing her cheek, “See you in a bit”.

“Come on Feehily, answer the god damn phone”, cursed glancing at the clock when she Nicky, Shane and Gillian where sitting in her hotel room. It was almost half past one and still nobody had heard from Mark. “Maybe we should call the hospital?”, Nicky suggested. Looking at him with wide eyes shook her head, “Of course not”, she cried out tears filling her eyes. “Well this is nothing like Mark”, Gillian whispered, “Maybe something bad has happened to him”. Feeling tears tickle down her cheeks threw her mobile on the bed. “I’ll call the reception for the phone numbers of the hospitals in this area and then I’ll give them a call”, Shane whispered taking his own cell phone.

“Nothing”, he said after almost half an hour with a relieved voice, “Maybe we should try to get some sleep and let Dave handle it from now. We have a busy day tomorrow including a concert. I’m sure Mark is mature enough to take care of himself”. “What if something is happened to him?”, softly started after almost half an hour of silence from her side. Shane stood up and pulled her into his arms, “I’m sure nothing is wrong with him babe. He probably went out clubbing or something like that. He acts a bit strange lately so probably he needed some space tonight”. nodded her head, wanting to believe what Shane was telling her.

Lying in her bed, after calling Mark another five times on his cell phone without success, started to cry. She had never been this worried about him in her whole life. “You’re gonna tell me what’s bothering you right away when you get back Mark, you can count on that”, she whispered in between her sobs. Closing her eyes all kind of thoughts flicked through her head. She couldn’t stop thinking about everything that could have happened to him. She kept wiping the tears from her face, they simple wouldn’t stop streaming. At that moment she realised how much Mark meant to her. She knew she couldn’t live without him, it would break her if she lost him. She felt sick, sick from worrying over the fact that something might have happened to the most important person in her life. She now realised he was the most important person in her life. She had known from the start they had a special bond but now she realised how special he actually was to her. Maybe, just maybe he was more to her than just her best friend.


Chapter 6,

“Is he back already?”, asked when she almost bumped into Dave the next morning. It was nearly eight o’clock but hadn’t been sleeping all night. “Nothing sweet pea, I’m sorry”. Rubbing her face with both of her hands nodded, “Thanks Dave”, she softly said, “I’m gonna get some breakfast”. Dave nodded his head, “Shane, Gillian and Kian are already at the restaurant”. smiled weakly, turned around and walked towards the breakfast buffet. “Feehily!”. Dave’s loud hoarse voice made her look behind her. She felt her heart flutter and tears filled her eyes when she saw Mark walk in. “Thank god, Mark!”, she shouted almost running towards him while she started to cry. “Where the hell have you been”, she sobbed draping her arms around his neck and snuggling up against his chest, “We were so worried, called all the hospitals in London. We thought something bad had happened to you”, she sobbed softly. Holding on to her Mark sighed deep, “I’m so sorry babe”, he whispered, “I’m so sorry”. He slowly rubbed her back to calm her down a bit. Looking at his face after a few minutes wiped her tears away, “Where were you?”, she asked still completely confused. “Let’s get upstairs”, Mark whispered, “There’s something I need to tell you”.

“Spill”, whispered when she was sitting in opposite of him upon the king size bed in her hotel room. Looking at his serious face, knew it was something big. “I don’t know where to start”, Mark whispered swallowing hard. “Start at beginning, take your time”, softly said while she smiled encouraging. “Well, the thing is...”, Mark started again, the insecurity was showing all over his face.
“I’m in love”, he suddenly admitted. raised her eyebrows and looked at him a bit puzzled, “But that’s great, isn’t it?”. Mark slowly nodded his head, “Great but complicated”, he added. A short moment silence followed. “So is that love coming from both sides?”. Mark nodded his head again, slowly now, “I think so”. laughed lightly, “You think so?”. Mark sighed, “It’s not that easy ”, he continued. “Why not? Explain it to me Mark, so I can help you. Were you with her last night?”. Mark looked at her, “Yes… well not with her…It’s just…”, he struggled with his words. took his hand and kissed it, “Tell me about her Feehily, what’s her name?”. Pinching her hand lightly Mark looked her straight in her eyes, “His name is Kevin”, he whispered. ’s eyes widened and a surprised look appeared upon her face, “Kevin?”, she asked with a soft voice. Mark nodded, his whole face lightened up only by the sound of his name. “You’re in love with him? With Kevin?”. Mark nodded his head again, “I’m gay , I’m struggling with my sexuality for almost two years now but after the open air charity gig we did in London last month, things got clear for me. That’s where I met him. From the first minute on I felt attracted to him and from that moment I knew I couldn’t deny it anymore”. Swallowing hard nodded, “But why didn’t you tell me before, why… I just…”. “When I was younger I’ve always thought is was puberty, that I was struggling with myself, with who I really was. I pushed it away and started to snog girls to prove to myself I liked women. Later on I became aware of the fact that I had never felt attractive to a woman. Of course I find women attractive but never in that special way, you know what I mean?”. nodded in silence, letting him continue, while the tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I found out that I like boys also but I was sure it had to be a phase, I kept pushing it away. It was hard sometimes but it felt like something I had to do. Then I met him, I fell in love, I have developed feelings for him I’ve never experienced before with women. I can’t deny it anymore babe, I’ve to face that I’m attractive to the same sex, I’m gay”. Still looking at him with her big eyes full with tears she swallowed. “Why are you crying?”, Mark asked with an emotional voice. “Why didn’t you tell me Mark? Why didn’t you trust me? Why did you do all this by yourself?”. Pulling her into his arms Mark fought back his tears, “I don’t know”, he whispered into her ear, “I was in denial, I was confused, ashamed”. “Never be ashamed for who you are Mark. It’s your individuality that makes you beautiful, remember your own words”, she said loud looking him straight in the eye. A weak smile appeared on his lips. “I don’t know what to do next ”. A helpless look in his eyes made her hold on to him tight, “Be honest to yourself Mark”, she whispered, “Just be yourself”. “I love you gorgeous”, he whispered back at her while a tear escaped him. “I love you too Mark, nothing will ever change that”.


Chapter 7,

8 months later,

Sitting in the garden of her apartment, laid her feet upon the table while opening The Sun. Mark had finally made the decision to open to the world. He wanted people to show who he was, who he really was. He had given an exclusive interview to The Sun and he was really happy he had made his decision. Today was the big day, the day that his announcement would be readable for the whole world. “Westlife sensation, one is gay and proud of it. Find out who on pages 8 & 9”, she read the cover of the newspaper out loud. Flicking the pages searching for pages 8 & 9 saw the head line immediately. Mark had already told her what the head line would be and she was so proud of him. “Mark: ‘I’m gay and proud of who I am!’”, she whispered to herself again. “Me too babe”, she added, “We all are”. Things had changed since the day Mark had told her his biggest secret. Not long after their conversation he had told the lads and his family. They had met Kevin who was a part of them now. He was a great person and was crazy about him. At first she had been a bit afraid of losing Mark but that hadn’t been the case at all. She had found another good friend in Kevin. She loved him for what he brought up in Mark. She had never seen him as happy as he was now. Mark had become a complete different person. Finally he could be his true self, finally he could give his own colours to his life.

“Hi babe”, Mark smiled when opened the front door for him. “Hi gorgeous, you look good”. “Don’t I always?”, Mark smirked kissing her cheek. rolled her eyes but laughed. “It’s a nice interview you gave”, she smiled hugging him. “You read it?”, Mark asked sounding surprised. “Of course I’ve read it Feehily”, she laughed punching his stomach playfully. “Well, we’ll see what happens. You ready?”. Sitting down upon the couch he glanced at who nodded. “It already brought you everything you need. And almost, a quick make up check and off we go”, she said searching her purse. Walking upstairs she looked at Mark, “Take a beer, I’ll be right back”. Mark nodded watching her disappear, she had been his guardian angel and she still was.

Looking in the mirror sighed to herself. Mark had become the happiest man in the whole wide world after that evening they shared talking together. He had changed, in a very positive way. She though had became aware of the fact he was more to her than just a friend. Actually she had always known but hearing his secret had opened her eyes. “You never miss the water until it’s gone”, she whispered to herself. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror one last time she tried to smile. It all didn’t matter anymore, his secret had made him unreachable for her, she knew that. But deep down inside she also knew he owned her heart, the reason why she cherished his friendship more than anything else. Looking at the lyrics of the song he had written that afternoon he forgot that they would have lunch together, she cleared her throat. He had given her that piece of paper where he had been writing on that afternoon and she had glued it against her mirror. It was the most beautiful song she knew and hearing him sing the words made her cry, every time. “You don’t know…”, she read the tittle softly. “You’re right Mark”, she added in a whisper while a tear escaped her eye, “You really don’t…”. THE END



Thank you for reading my story. I was insecure about the reactions on this theme at first, but eventually I decided to write it because for me this is what makes Mark that special person he is. I hope it will be appreciated. Kim.