As the rain pelted against the window, the sounds of moaning and gasping was all that could be heard as they moved together, sweat making their bodies glisten as they made love. Kissing her tenderly, he traced his fingers along her collarbone, moving above her and covering her, making her a creature of pleasure that was all his and his alone.

It was passion and joy in every thrust as they moved, lips covering each other's bodies, tongues tracing small trails as she arched and heaved beneath him, her soft body enticing him to harder and harder thrusts. She squealed and whimpered delighted by his slow loss of control, knowing instinctively that it was because of her, because of his need for her. Finally he let go and he slammed her body hard with a few well-aimed thrusts, giving into the feelings that clouded his mind, wanting to feel every part of her. He moaned her name into her hair as feelings overcame him and she shuddered in his arms.

Nuzzling, they came down from their high together, completely happy for the first time in weeks. Still on top of her and inside her, held her close, and she kept her arms wrapped tightly around him, never wanting to let go.

Finally as their breathing became more regular, he pulled away from her, but not before leaving a soft kiss on her forehead. He gently pulled at a tendril of hair that clung to her sweaty neck; he smiled softly as he pushed it aside and looked deep into her eyes. searched his soul in that moment, looking for answers to questions that she hadn’t ever asked, but she saw nothing. Almost as quickly as it had started, it was over, and the wall had built up around him again.

Sighing softly he pulled himself up and began to get dressed, as sat up and pulled the duvet around her naked body. She watched him dressing, and struggled to keep in the tears that threatened to spill at any time. As soon as he was done, he leaned down and kissed her softly “I’ll call you” he sad almost sadly, as he grabbed his coat and left. stood up from the bed and wrapped the sheet around her as she watched him from the window. He opened the car door, jumped in and sped off. When she could no longer see the taillights of the car, she finally allowed herself to cry, and she sobbed long into the night, until she had no tears left…

** Flashback **

It wasn’t just raining, it was bucketing down. It seemed as if someone high above the clouds was literally pouring barrel after barrel of rain down all over . looked out of the window and sighed. It was then she noticed the lights. A car had pulled into the driveway, and she was aware of a tall figure emerging from the driver’s seat. Instinctively she knew it was him, and she rushed to open the door to save him from getting wet, but it was too late, he was soaking, and she opened the door to be met by a drowned, very drunken .

“Get in here ” she scolded, “What are you doing driving in this weather, and in your condition?” she asked ushering him into the sitting room, and peeling the soaking wet jumper from his body. But ignored her questions; instead he sat on the edge of the sofa with his head in his hands “She’s gone …. She’s just gone” he sad quietly. “Who is?” demanded, she was really confused at this point. “, she left me. She’s gone, and I didn’t even try to stop her” sat down gently beside him, and did what only best friends can do. She held him and let him cry. As the minutes ticked by, and turned into hours, lost track of time. So much so, that it was impossible to tell when the innocent touches of friends had become the burning touches of lovers. She lost herself to him completely that night, the love she had hidden for so long becoming clearer with every kiss, nibble and caress. When she had woken in the morning, she reached out for him, but all she found was an empty space.

************

“ this has to stop” sighed “It’s not good for you” took in the sight of her best friend curled up on the sofa in her pyjama’s crying quietly. “I really don’t need the lecture right now ” sniffed. sighed and handed her a Kleenex. For six months she had watched ’s life fall apart around her. She had been in love with for years, albeit secretly. And she was managing fine, but now, ever since he started making these late night calls, had floundered. “Why do you let him do this to you ” asked softly. smiled slightly at the sound of her old nickname, but as soon a sit appeared it disappeared, and opened the floodgates again “Do you know who started calling me that? did” she sobbed. put her arm around her and held her close. “He doesn’t love me ”. “Then why are you doing this to yourself?” asked again. looked up at her with sorrow in her big eyes “because when I’m in his arms , even if it’s only for a moment, I’m his, and I’m the only one he’s thinking about – and I’d rather have that than nothing at all…. I love him so much” she choked. “I know sweetie, I know” hushed her, hugging her close, and letting her cry it all out.

88----88

“Where have you been?” asked angrily as he paced the departure lounge. “Out. I’m here now anyway” shrugged, pushing his way past to check-in. “Lovely, he’s late and in a foul humour” spat, picking up his bag and storming off after . and just looked at each other and shrugged.

“So how’s ?” asked when he sat beside on the plane. “What?” asked, playing innocent. “I know you were there, phoned, ’s in a bad way ” said and smiled softly as he saw the pain flash in his best friend’s eyes. “I wouldn’t hurt her on purpose….” began, but cut him off “But you don’t love her, right?” he finished for him. “I don’t know what I feel, man, in truth I haven’t felt much of anything since left” The pained looked in ’s eyes hurt more than he let on. “Obviously you feel something for her, otherwise you wouldn’t keep running to her” he stated. shook his head slowly “I go to her because it’s the only time I ever feel anything, the only time my mind clears, even for a split second” “ mate, I love you like a brother, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but if you don’t want to take things further with her, then tell her. Please man, she’s breaking. If you cut it off now, you’ll be doing her a favour in the long run” said all in one breathe. “I don’t think it’s any of your business” answered tightly. “Maybe not, but I do know that you used to be great friends, and at the moment, you’re hurting her, just like hurt you, except it’s worse, because when you leave her, you go back, and then you leave again…. And her heart breaks over and over again every time – it’s not fair” closed his eyes and leaned his head against the seat “I know…. I know” he answered.

88----88 4 WEEKS LATER DECEMBER 16th

“So what’s up?” asked. “Nothing why?” answered. “Well, for one, you’re cooking” said suspiciously, eyeing the bubbling concoction on the stove with unease. “Are you not hungry? Because if you keep up the jokes you’ll be wearing this” replied. “What happened?” asked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” answered shortly and sighed heavily “What’s he do then?” She said in an exasperated tone. Putting her bag down on the table she saw it, right there on the front page of the glossy magazine…. She clapped her hand to her mouth and picked it up

and – not over yet

The headline screamed out from the page in bold red writing. “Apparently, it’s been going on a while, they met up in London, and had a few drinks. The rest as they say is history” said. tried to read something in her voice, but it was monotone, and she couldn’t tell a thing from it. “Bastard” she squeaked “Is this how you found out?” “I think I prefer it this way than to a phone call” answered sadly “I can’t blame him really – she’s really beautiful” said gazing at the picture. “, you are gorgeous” answered “You know that” “But I’m not her, , I’m not her” she said, as once again the tears fell all over the counter top. rubbed her back and stroked her hair, until had calmed down a little “Maybe its for the best , I mean, now I can move on right?” she said eventually as she sniffled and wiped her eyes. “Right! That’s the spirit!” grinned “I know it hurts right now, but over time, the hurt will get less and less, I promise. Until then, there’s absolutely no need to try and kill yourself with dodgy goulash – do you even know what’s in there ?” said raising her eyebrows suspiciously. “I can’t remember” shrugged and smiled a little. “Right this calls for some wine and takeout – I’ll be back in ten minutes” she winked picking her keys up off the table and heading for the car. breathed deeply and looked at the magazine in front of her. After a while she picked it up, and threw it in the bin. “Healing starts now” she thought silently to herself.

88----88 DECEMBER 25th CHRISTMAS DAY

“Thanks Mam, I love it” said half heartedly, holding up the jumper and putting on one of his best fake smiles. “I can change it, if you don’t like it sweetie!” answered. “No Mam, it’s great, I’ll wear it today” said again. I might just go and have a shower” His family were all but finished opening presents, and soon they would be heading to mass. It was the perfect time to escape and have a think. The rushing water felt so good prickling on his skin. And exhaled heavily as he felt all his muscles slacken up. was away in London, she had to work this weekend. He had asked her to come back to with him this year, but she wouldn’t hear of it, apparently the life of a wannabe TV presenter is all very busy at Christmas time. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a fluffy towel around his waist. He sat on the side of his bed, and watched the water pool around his feet, and all of a sudden he realised the feeling he was experiencing. He was lonely. It was the same feeling he had when left, and when she came back it didn’t go away. If anything things between them were highly strained at the minute, and not having her here was actually a blessing. He needed to clear his head.

There was a soft knock on the door, and his Mum entered the room. “I forgot to give you this dear” she said handing him an envelope. She looked at her son, and felt pain in her heart, his face was so sad, and he had grown so tired. “ left these in a few weeks ago, along with a present for me and your dad. She’s such a lovely girl” said, searching her sons face for his reaction. “Yes, she is” he nodded, turning the envelope over and over in his hands. “My little boy” said softly, cupping ’s face in her hands. Gently she leaned down and kissed his hair. “Whatever answer your looking for is probably right in front of your eyes ” she said quietly, before leaving him with his thoughts.

As the door closed behind her, he tore open the envelope and a single chocolate fell out onto the bed. He pulled out the card and smiled when her recognised her sloppy handwriting

Dear ,

Well Merry Christmas! Do you know it took me ages and ages to think of a present for you…. I mean what do you get the guy who has everything? And then it came to me, chocolate! It doesn’t matter how much chocolate you have, you always need more….. So that’s my gift to you. I hope it puts a smile on your face….

However, there’s a part 2. I know the last few months have been really hard for you, for some reason or another you’ve stopped talking to me like you used too….. So here you’ll find a voucher and a map to a very pretty, extremely secluded beach house in Cork. Use it when you need to think, and you feel that you can’t talk to me (although you know I’m always here for you) Use it to take a break, to think about , whatever you want…

I wanted you to have somewhere to go where everything in your life could be perfect, and that’s all I could come up with….

If I don’t see you this Christmas, have a lovely holiday, and I’ll see you in 2007

Love

xxx

P.S. I miss you

’s heart broke as he read the last line again. He missed her too, more than ever. Lately, whenever he saw her, which was only every couple of weeks, they weren’t spending their time talking. He rubbed his face with his hands, and gazed at the designer watch on his wrist, his present from . In the other hand he picked up ’s card which was written before had reappeared….

88----88 DECEMBER 29th

“I don’t know , it doesn’t seem like the best idea ever!” said warily. “It’s a great idea, we have no plans, and we’ve just been invited to a party. won’t even be there, he’s going to London to be with HER” spat, but shut her mouth when gave her a warning look. “Please , it’ll be fun, and says he’ll take it as a personal insult if you’re not there to ring in the new year with him…..” grinned “You know you want too” she added cheekily. threw her hand sin the air…. “Oh Ok fine, you win. I’ll go. New Year’s Eve at and ’s….. It has a nice ring to it don’t you think?” giggled. “You’re incorrigible ” laughed. “Maybe…… but that’s why you love me” answered laughing so loudly that couldn’t help but laugh too.

88----88 DECEMBER 31st NEW YEAR’S EVE

“I can’t believe how good the place looks” smiled warmly at , who was in the process of taking the girls coats. All the furniture had been removed, and the large parlour and dining room was decorated with silver and purple decorations. “Girls, you look great, forget about the house” laughed “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you” “Well we’re here now, there’s plenty of time for catching up!” smiled, hugging close. It had been ages since they were all together. Just as she was about to lead them to the bar, the doorbell went again and turned to open it. ’s tummy jumped when she saw him. He was wearing a navy blue suit and a thin tie, it was clear he had wanted to make an impression, and he definitely did, ’s face dropped when she saw him and her heart began to race. noticed the look of utter shock on ’s face and pulled her into a small room..

“Do you want to leave?” she asked her friend. shook her head slowly “No… I…. I couldn’t do that to and …. Or . I’ll be fine, and I’ll be gone at 12.01, besides I suppose I have to see him sometime right?” “I’m proud of you girly, hold your head up – you’ve nothing to hide from” smiled softly “Let’s go. I think we need a very strong drink” When the girls re-entered the hallway, was relieved to see that had disappeared, but more importantly, had. “To the bar?” grinned, while just nodded in response, bracing herself for the evening ahead…..

88----88

“Sorry about not letting you know , I finished with , we had a huge fight, and I didn’t want to be alone tonight” said to his friend “What are you sorry for Nerd? It’s always great to see you… and you’re always welcome in my house, you know that” “I didn’t expect to see here” said quietly. “She’s my friend too ” “I know” said holding his hands up “It’s not a bad thing at all, it was just strange seeing her again. It’s been so long” answered, but his gaze was firmly fixed across the room. looked over to where his eye had wandered, and found directly in his line of vision. He smiled to himself, and put his hand on ’s arm “it’s ok to talk to her ” he urged, but just shook his head “I’m probably the last person she wants to talk to . Maybe later, I really need to say some things to her” “Yeah, maybe” answered, before they were interrupted by ’s dad

88----88

“Stupid!” frowned kicking the gravel in the driveway and scuffing her new shoes. “Why am I such an idiot?” she whispered under her breath. The party was a disaster. For the last 2 hours she had hidden in the garden trying to avoid , not feeling ready to talk to him just yet. had met a guy, a really sweet guy, who was in the process of asking her out. had decided to give them some space and now she stood out the front, with a glass of champagne in one hand and a frown on her face. Some new years this had turned out to be…. But who was she kidding? Did she just expect that she would walk in and he would sweep her up in arms and kiss her passionately? It was five to twelve. Music pulsed from inside the walls of the building and sighed heavily. Coming to this party had been a mistake. She should have gone out with her friends or at least curled up with a book on the sofa. And now she was all dressed up, not that anyone had noticed, and about to ring in the near year with only champagne for comfort. She stared out over the street and shivered, as the cold December breeze bit at the bare skin of her shoulders. She put her Champagne glass down on a low wall, and turned to leave, accepting that the party was over, at least for her.

“You’re not leaving I hope?” A voice called from behind her, a voice she knew all too well. Turning slightly, her tummy flipped when she spotted him. He smiled slightly “You can’t leave now, it’s almost 12, and someone as beautiful as you should be ringing in the new year with someone” he continued. blushed, thought she was beautiful; her world had never seemed so bright “Well, um….” She started, but he cut her off “Please , let me talk…..” but he stopped abruptly. Inside the countdown to the New Year started, and looked over his shoulder slightly. “I owe you an apology” he whispered stepping closer to her. ’s heart began to beat a mile a minute as she blushed under the mask. Inside people could be heard chanting loudly

“Five……. Four…..”

Slowly placed a finger delicately under her chin and tilted her face to his and ’s hands began to tremble slightly

“Three……. Two……”

As if in slow motion, the lips she had fantasised about for so long inched closer and closer to hers. She could smell the sweet musky scent of his aftershave and inhaled deeply, trying to imprint the memory on her mind forever.

“One!”

“SHANE! Darling, there you are!” ’s eyes snapped open. She heard before she saw her. ’s hand immediately fell from her face and he spun around quickly, as placed a huge kiss on his lips. “Happy New Year Baby” she grinned “You know, the person you kiss on New Years is the person you’re going to spend the rest of the year with” winked at . “So they say” shrugged, and tried extremely hard to smile.

As the crowd erupted into happy holiday cheers and shouts, and a chorus of “Auld Lang Sine broke out, ’s heart crumbled once again. She cursed under her breath, and tried to swallow her tears as she saw and approaching.

“Hey , Happy New Year” stuttered “Look who’s here…. In fact , why exactly are you here?” he said, turning back to face ….. ”Silly baby” she cooed “I don’t want to fight anymore , I came here so we could spend new years together and be a couple again” she batted her eyelashes at him, but ’s stomach just turned. It was very clear her powers had long been lost of him. All of a sudden he remembered what everyone was doing in the garden, and he turned around to , to explain the situation and his feelings

He was shocked to see her small form retreating into a waiting taxi. “Wait” he called, walking towards her, but it was too late, the car was moving, and she was leaving. Suddenly he felt a presence near him, and felt ’s hand tug at his “Come inside , there’s loads of people I really want you to meet” she grinned yanking him towards the house. watched the display with a heavy heart….. Knowing what her friend must be going through at that very moment.

88----88

stared at her reflection in the large mirror and criticised her appearance. The tears had smudged her eyeliners, and caused her mascara to run down her face in an awful fashion. Tears stained her dress, and her hair had fallen out a little. Sighing she wiped her eyes once again, and pulled the dress over her head. She slipped into an old t-shirt of ’s and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge. Going outside, she sat down on the small balcony and lit a cigarette. “Happy New Year” she said sarcastically under her breath

“That’s my line” she heard him say, despite her head, her body reacted and she felt a shiver run down her spine. “Breaking and entering is very illegal ” she said coldly. “I… Um I borrowed ’s key, I need to talk to you” he mumbled. “Why? If you want my blessing now is not really a good time, I’m far too busy drinking myself into oblivion, but if you leave your number, I’ll get back to you when pigs fly” she spat, then kicked herself for being so rude. She sighed and sat up on the lounger “I’m really sorry , I’m juts tired” “Do you think I would come here and ask for your blessing ? Do you think I would be that mean to you?” he asked, she could hear the anguish in his voice, but she still couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “So how’s it going then?” she asked through gritted teeth “I read all about it in the paper” she added. “Yeah well sometimes they over compensate, that’s what I want to talk to you about ” scoffed and took a long gulp of her wine. sat down gently beside her. He was so close that she could smell his musky scent and her heart began to race wildly.

“, you’re my best friend…. What’s happened to us? I’ve never gone this long without speaking to you” he asked. just shrugged in reply, afraid to talk in case her tears would fall. “I can’t bear having you annoyed at me. You mean so much to me, . If I lose you, I don’t know what I would do” ’s head snapped up angrily “What happened? I’ll tell you what happened, you used me . Ok, I’m a big girl and I knew what I was doing, but you knew how I felt about you, and yet you let the situation continue. You made a fool of me” she spat angrily. “I’d never do something like that on purpose ” he replied. “Then why ? Why? What’s wrong with me? Am I so awful that you can’t bear to be around me, except for a quick tumble at half three in the morning. Is it because I’m not pretty enough? Not thin enough? Not intelligent enough? Why ? Why can’t you love me?” All the fight had since gone out of her, and she began to sob heavily, burying her face in her hands….

put his hand on her knee softly “You don’t get it do you? I am in love with you…. I always have been, I just never knew it until recently. Everyone else could see it except me, and do you want to know why? Because I was blind, hurt me, and at the time I thought I would never get over it. But I did, and I discovered I loved you even more than I ever did her, you, my best friend. For the rest of my life I’m going to have to live with the knowledge that I pained you so much…. And that’s enough to break my heart all over again. I can’t believe what I did, it’s inexcusable….”

“These are just words , it’s easy to say things like this” she said sadly. He shook his head forcefully and cupped her face with his hands. “It’s not easy for me …. It never has been. All those nights I laid in your arms, and I couldn’t say anything, I was so mixed up…. That’s why I ran away soon after we made love. I didn’t want my feelings to get the better of me… that’s how people get hurt, and I didn’t want that to happen to me again. For what it’s worth, I’m deeply ashamed of myself” he said while grimacing. She shrugged slightly, and felt herself blush under his gaze “Like I said, I’m a big girl, I didn’t exactly say no” she answered quietly.

“That doesn’t matter now, I should have never taken advantage of you. and all told me what you felt for me, and yet I carried on. On Christmas day, I got your present, and it was almost like everything clicked into place for me, the difference between you and , and the sameness of you and me. You know me so well, and yet you love me. You allowed me to treat you badly, and let it continue, because you loved me, and wanted to help me. You’re the most unselfish person I’ve met in my life, and I’m so in Love with you . Even if you say you can never forgive me I won’t care, because I’ll have told you. I want to shout it from the roof tops…… You are the most beautiful girl inside and out, and I’ve been honoured to have been loved by you in my life” he paused for breath and looked deep into her sparkling eyes that were prickling with tears. He gently rubbed his thumb over her cheek to wipe away the ones that had fallen.

“I’m not asking you for anything ….. having you say you love me would make me the happiest man in the world, but please don’t say it if you don’t feel it. Instead let me tell you, that if I walk out of here now and you don’t come with me, I will spend everyday thinking of ways to make this up to you.
Showing you how much I love you….. I’ve lost you before and I won’t let it happen again, I need you in my life ” he said hoarsely.
“It’s too late ” she answered sadly “I know it sounds silly but you kissed at 12.00” she continued mimicking in a ridiculous voice “the person you kiss on New Years is the person you’ll spend the rest of your year with”. She pushed his hands away from her face, and wiped her eyes with her own hands.

He smiled softly and looked at his watch “For your information, kissed me. We broke up, I dumped her. I did it for you, because you’re the only one who can make me happy , I was as shocked as you were to see her at that party. I was coming to tell you all of this, I wanted to share my feelings with you, and share that kiss with you too. She just surprised me. It may be too late for that, but what do you say we start out own tradition? Who says we need to follow everyone else?” looked hopelessly at him, her emotions had gotten the better of her, and she was sobbing fully now, but she had to admit that she had never been as happy as she was tonight. The pain was still raw, but she was in no doubt of his feelings, even if it took him a little while to figure them out.

“If I declare this moment to be the – New Year, will you celebrate with me? I hope that the person I kiss at 1.10 a.m. on January first will be the person that I’ll spend the rest of my life with……… Will you be that person ? Will you love me like you have done for years, and in return, I promise that I will worship you, because I already do, even if I haven’t shown it very well lately…….” And with that, he cupped her face gently in his hands and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. Searching her eyes with his own, he saw them shining happily as she smiled a little “I’m very much in love with you , please be mine” he murmured, before placing his lips gently on hers and lighting a passionate fire, that would not burn out for a very long time…


THE END



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